End of the world beckons 2012

Hi there! You might as well listen to this  SONG   while you read this post...  kinda sums up my state of mind.. :)  


At First, I thought this was ridiculous but then even Kapil Sibal is a cabinet minister in this country {not to forget the hall of famers - evergreen Lalu (not our THOM yaar), softy (mulayam), Behen.., even sLuDGy is a MNC professional today}. So, why deny the possibilities. Who knows the world might come to an end!

There can be many reasons for the world to end. 
For instance, let us say corruption is eradicated from India.

Sarakari babu will die of exposure to work! Indian politician will die of starvation & FII, FDI would be completely swiped off its feet.
Not to mention the common man, who shall die of instant shock! However, I am yet to find a common man in this country. 

 Let me show you an experiment –

Ball Hypothesis – slap any random person on the street*        (*caution - do it only if you have the BALLS)

Result/insults – teri maa***, teri beh***, tu jaanta nahi main kaun hoon… and so on!

Need I say more…  (I call this as ‘being Indian’ phenomenon ala our sallu ji’s being human endorsement)

On a more serious note, end of the world has caught my attention in a different sense. It’s simple to comprehend; define your world and then define the end for you.  Your world can be

•       Girlfriend
•       Bachelor life/ student life
•       Friends
•       Existing job
•       City you live in

And frankly, it does get over at some point for you. Example - my mailbox is full with marriage announcements in 2012, Boom! There goes half a million worlds crashing!

Time changes & leaves a carcass of memory behind; it may rot for the few unfortunate ones and some might dance around it. Probably that’s what the wise men from the past wanted to tell us... That it does get over at some point of time. 

 It’s only a matter of time before ‘I miss the good old days’ status begins to pop up on that popular social networking site (censorship is also tight these days!)

The pursuit of the impossible dream is always on, only the bloody dream changes…

Probably the world is coming to an end in 2012! Think about it..

Take care…

p.s. – live your life like there’s no tomorrow coz some facts of life will never change!  For instance - life sucks, boss sucks but your wife doesn’t..! 

  Finally after ages a snaky HISSSSSSSSSS.....

The one sided lover…

He is a loser, he is anonymous, he is abused by junta by ways like FOSLA; hindi me usko C***iya bolte hain.

Yes I’m talking about you! The one sided lover is inside each one of us. Some take the courage to admit it; others prefer silence.

 I’m not going to take his case today because his life is already a joke. Let us get on the other side for a change.

Imagine that you love someone, terribly. You love someone so much that if there was any ‘hope’ in life, it was/is her. Now imagine that you will NEVER be able to be with that person. I am not even trying to bring comparisons here because the one sided lover always lost on comparisons to someone else.

 The mind will think about only one thing constantly, only one thing! Every single day!

It is like fighting a battle which you’ve already lost.

The best friend will come up and say “get over it”, and you will ask yourself “is it really worth it”. Well if only life was so easy & you had all the answers..!

I don’t even want to write about it anymore… leave him alone! Let him be…

Because that’s how life is, always full of “IF”s and butts.. not all stories have a happy ending . Your happiness will always be at the cost of someone’s suffering & sacrifice! Think about it…

After all, life is a zero sum game.

Take care!
PS - Happy Independence Day!

What the flock is this civil society?

Well I thought why put abuses in a title…  Arre bhai this is a civil society!

I’d be honest with all of you, I’d been dying to lay my hands on this topic for quite a while now, my whole holidays were spoilt in watching the media rant about them.

Anna uncle went on a fast and when something was going to happen, left the show to be run by ‘mainukiys’ (this is what bhajji said to symonds, poor fellow heard monkey…Punjabi is fun btw..)

I googled up “civil society” and by the time I could type civi on the pad, a suggestion for the game civiballs appeared and my pursuit ended then and there. But, do you know what a ‘civil society’ means? A great friend replied as ‘I have no clue’, another one was more sober in saying ‘aa c**os le mera’ but the query remained unanswered. Even mittal was silent on this issue (speaks volumes about the seriousness of the matter)

And I am still thinking… finally came up with few hints, you might have to help me out here as well, here goes –

• -       Civil society is one which watches ‘wo waali’ movies on cable after 12 midnight (chummi called them dharmik movies, the lost bua…?)
• -       Civil society is culturally elite, they appreciate dhobi ghat without watching it even once (they have seen munni and sheela on infinite loops though)
• -       Civil society has evaded the blessed ‘thulla’ on traffic signals by either a phone call to ‘someone special’ or recalling the father of the nation(Gandhiji is on every note)
• -       Civil society has stolen electricity, evaded taxes and broken queues quite a lot of times
• -       Civil society cell phones never switch off in satyanarain kathas or ICUs
• -       Civil society ne “yaha peshaab karna mana hai” pe muta hai
• -       Civil society letches at neighbour’s wife but teaches ghar ki beti to ‘behave’
• -       Civil society loves spitting on roads and apparently their father owns it (wonder what did the contractor take to reproduce so many citizens..)
• -       Civil society never abuses in public, you can try scratching their car for starters
• -       Civil society during elections didn’t vote in the morning because it was too early, afternoon was simply too hot and evening had to be spent at a mall, so much work yaar
• -       Civil society loves talking in talk shows, they however don’t believe in doing anything concrete because ‘wo to sarkar karegi’
• -       Civil society believes the world will end in 2012
• -       Civil society also loves to worship floating stones, talking goats(sorry kd, couldn’t find one for you) and random babas (Usmani Intl. excluded)
• -       Civil society condemns the DPS MMS scandal after watching it on the cell phone!
• -       Civil society “sab jaanti hai”… so they never thought things can change!

What else can I say here.. even I’m not a saint, but then I do accept my mistakes and have been trying to ‘execute’ some things for positive results (anu can vouch for it, he calls me the executionist… he thinks.. I execute…)

And I do have questions to all you guys out there -

When will you grow up??

When will you have the balls to do something about it??

When will you go out there and vote to get the right guy in the assembly??

I refuse to give answers to you… apne andar dekho aur poocho kya kar sakte ho… jawaab mil jaayega.

Do think once before you spit on the road next time, you’d be saving a poor sweeper some sturdy hours of cleaning in 43 degrees of summer heat…

Till then – “chain se sona hai to jag jao”…

PS – ATB to all new job joiners… J

A cribbing in space...

Follow me down to the valley below.. Lazarus by porcupine tree is my latest addiction (thanks D!)

It has been long since I wrote something for myself (thanks to the farewell testimonials…)  but finally found some ‘space’ to express myself (Ranaji all pun intended! - http://bit.ly/fBaHXE).

It was amazing to see that my last topic of girlfriends found huge support among all you frustrated souls (yes! You reading this blog! I’m talking to you, get over it!). Never imagined FOSLA had such depth and breadth in our young generation but am happy to see that everyone is suffering in love some way or the other though they believe in it!

Last month was a crazy month! It began with goodbyes and ended with goodbyes and all of it accompanied by loads of travel. There were tears everywhere, some old memories being shared and nostalgia was but obvious all over people. There was one common thing across all folks, the endless list of ‘sorry and thanks’ that people said to each other. It is always funny to see though how things of the past that are irrevocable be forgiven with a simple sorry or thanks as if these words had some magic! But then I can only observe.

Coming to lighter points, (no khabri you didn’t lose any…) it was great to be relieved of corrupt pan masalas (I could have bought few… damn!), the bald(shetty) and the uglys(corporate rejected), the ‘that I don’t knows’ and bhittys and as I look back at the time spent, I can’t help but think that me getting a diploma is a miracle! Kudos to the environment provided, we learned that ethics can be intoxicated and it is none of our business to learn about business.

It is amazing how two years of ‘quality education’ can make you a real ‘optimist’ and ‘expert’ in things you never ought to get into. Trust me two years of MBA can teach you

• -       Drinking
• -       Smoking
• -       Criticizing anything and everything
• -       How to become a member of FOSLA
• -       Politics (very important)
• -       Poker face
• -       Sucking up
• -       Bullshit

I think the last one covers quite a few things so I can stop there. But, I have a question to ask? When was the last time you spoke the truth? Probably when you answered the why MBA question in your interview!

And needless to say that I suck at most of these lessons so you can imagine it is indeed a miracle for me to graduate.

Moving on to the positives of MBA, ‘it depends’ on your frame of reference to critically analyze the situation at hand to derive the competitive advantage that benefits all the stakeholders as well as ensure that individual goals are aligned with the strategic objectives of the organization.

Let me simplify that for you - "I can talk endlessly discuss meaningless issues now".

More importantly, I can understand or rather appreciate the value of friends, they saw me through! Thank you so much!!

Ultimately (debarring a few issues), there were opportunities to learn for everybody and it boiled down to what they cherished more - books or people? Or as all of you would say in an interview “both” or the best reply of them all – it depends…

A journey of liars and diplomats has just begun and lies will only grow as we climb up the ladders among ways full of snakes (hisss). You better take care..! 

PS – I miss Shillong too!  :(

and i am still looking for a girlfriend...! last blog didn't help the cause :)

Why I can’t have a girlfriend…

According to market forces, love is in the air and with each passing day being referred to as chocolate day, rose day, teddy day, propose day and shit-happened-day, etc. etc.

I am reminded by the market time and again of how not having a girlfriend is a crime.

So, I am using this place to analyze the various reasons of why I can’t have a girlfriend…

• I am not good looking (I negotiated with my mirror by showing him photos of Katrina Kaif to prevent it from cracking at my first sight)
• I am a shallow person with pea sized brain (so culturally elite girls are out of my league)
• According to my friends, I’m not human (hisssssssssss and snakes rejected me for lack of specific spherical object)
• I am honest & being honest to girls initially doesn’t really help
• Rukma has also pointed out lack of ‘chivalry’ which again went above my pea sized intellect ( joshi has put it more aptly ‘hum to nange aaye the yaha, humara kuch nahi ho sakta’)
• I also lack tashan because my surname is not mittal or saxena or chaturvedi
• I’m not great on talking on cellphones (girls were somehow born with it!)
• I am not super rich, I can’t carry shopping bags and walk obediently behind the feline creatures
• I am like the village people (which gaon? I won’t tell)
• I receive sms only from my service operator to pay the due bills (nobody ever msgd good morning or good night )

The list is long yet incomplete, but I do have the skill sets to make it to FOSLA (frustrated one sided lovers association).

I am so frustrated at times that I have also started to call some of the guys in my wing with girl names like silky su, saumya, anu, sumitra na etc. etc.

I don’t know how many of you out there are sharing the same pain but hang in there bro!

To make things worse, I’m trapped in an IIM where a good girl is like rain in desert, god again teased us by sending 28 girl like creatures in my batch to just rub salt on the market licked wounds.

So, I rest my case. I know I won’t manage to get a girlfriend because I’m a good guy after all. And good guys are meant to be kept only for marriage purposes; they can’t be showed off in malls. They are not ‘macho’ or culturally elite to be glorified everywhere.

I’ll simply finish my few days left here and leave peacefully.

Because, I’m a good guy after all!!

Take care.

PS – Happy Valentine’s Day!

Death & Beyond

When a person dies…

You turn blank and stunned

Mind blabbers two words “Oh Shit”!

A chill runs down your spine

You curse the God for it

And a tear or two trickles down you eye

All the memories that you had shared together come to mind

And you feel sadness beyond explanation

But, there’s nothing you can do about it

Coz the person is dead after all…

The toughest part still remains
You ought to move on
The memories won't leave
And nights would seem darker
Ironically, all jokes seem dry
When life turns serious on you
You wish for things to end differently
But, there's nothing you can do about it
Coz the person is dead after all...

The curious life of negativity and hope!

Ever since you played the see saw in your childhood, the ups and downs just become a part of the epic life that we live. A simple game teaches you that there will be troubles in life as well as good times and you will be able to enjoy life only if you can maintain your balance.

This thought has crept in my mind these days as I see a lot of my friends going through the inevitable phase of consolidation. Many of them are concerned about what will happen and how will the future turn up. And as useless I am, it is my joblessness to advice on what to do now. Here goes…

Hey you! Yes you reading this post, wake up dude!

You just can’t spoil your present in worry of the future that you can’t control. It is very easy to think negatively but you have to believe that one day things will be on your side as well. If you lose heart today, how will you cash in on the few opportunities that will come your way?

You know that you deserve good things in life so enjoy whatever is there in the present. Your friends that are with you today will be busy building careers in a few months and this is probably the last time you will get a chance to have fun with them. Spend time with them, do the things you yearned to do, smile yaar… a few dimples won’t hurt your cheeks!

Believe in your dreams, coz that’s your identity. This is the time when you will be able to identify your true friends, use it to learn the lesson that life is trying to teach you.

When you die, you won’t be remembered for what company you worked for or for your academic excellence, you would be remembered by your friends for the good/bad times you shared and someone might add this compliment “he was a good person”.

I’m not saying that you just forget everything else to become a saint; I’m just requesting you to live your life normally under uncertainty. Try and find that balance of life and you will learn an important lesson that this b school is offering.

Hope you understand what I mean. “Duniyadaari ki bheed me insaaniyat mat bhulo yaar…”

Take care…

How to save a life…

The post title is a song by The Fray and is a must listen...
To continue with my ordeal, this post is an emergency reaction to formative minds. Yes, my Tinku finally wrote (check out his blog here) a few lines on his most coveted topic Break Up. A condition which can be best experienced than explained. (If you are going through such a phase, you might as well appreciate this bullshit)
He spoke about sleepless nights and time healing the wounds and I wish to add my two cents about things that actually ruin a person. It is always interesting to read about someone’s turmoil but it takes lot of heart to feel what you go through in a break up. As the human tendency goes,the general advice flows in from all directions:
- You should move on
- You are stronger than that Yaar
- He/she will understand you someday
- Tension mat lo…
- blah blah blah…
In my opinion, the easiest thing to do is to give an opinion, be judgmental on others life and pass what one of my legendary friend calls as ‘sweeping statements’. I feel that if you really care, then what you need to do is listen. Hear him out and be there as a friend. It is not a big ask and allow him/her to find his own way. Nobody wants his life to be ever controlled by a third person and if you are able to understand this opinion, then this post needn’t be stretched.
I am no expert on relationships, but I do realize that it is tough to mend a broken heart. Always try not to hurt any person’s emotions because someday it will come back to you and when it does, it is the worst position to be in.
When someone loves a person, he imagines his whole world with that individual and with a break up, that world becomes another PURSUIT OF THE IMPOSSIBLE DREAM. Life has strange ways to teach us lessons doesn’t it!
your comforting words can never satisfy a person't desire to be with his loved one, always appreciate this fact and you'll be able to understand why certain people behave abnormally in a break up.
I prefer to rest my voice here… in the meanwhile, always try to follow your heart. Life has lesser regrets that ways.
Take care… :)

p.s. - smile from your heart and you will have your life with you.

Words from a Tinku Jiya

You have lost a lot of weight
You look weak
Is everything fine with you?
These lines have become a routine statement for me. All that I offer in reply is a smile. But, after having not cared to look in the mirror at myself properly for a long time, it never occurred to me that I was getting weaker by the day. Well that’s a different story now as I’m loaded with almonds, cashews and what not to regain the lost weight (Chummi reading this…? :P). For confused readers kindly visit http://thelostpages.in – a website of no real use but an example of how free web space can be misused.
I have been irritated with my health issue related questions for a while and its time they get a reply.
I want you to think (girls are excused on this request due to lack of certain necessary components like brain etc.) on what defines poor health and weakness???
How to look beyond the orthodox norms to understand the real meaning of strength and weakness is the real deal in my opinion. Consider this example, however repetitive but it is a good one, Mahatma Gandhi won us the Independence and he wasn’t a man weighing 500 pounds and a world heavyweight championship to scare ‘some people’ (dedicated to rukmee) out of India.
The point is a man is strong or weak only by his mentality. If a person feels he can take on the world, he will do it regardless of his condition. So what is the point of tagging a person as weak or strong? Just let them be…
Before you begin to like the above statement, let me bring out my classification of people.
They are as follows –
- Good people
- Indecisive people
That’s it! These two cover the whole universe for me because I believe that no person is bad, they just don’t know what is right and wrong so they end up doing the mistakes and get categorized as bad in the eyes of others. I hope you get my point coz I’m not explaining it again!
Everyone has goodness inside in varying proportions mixed up with indecisiveness that creates a unique individual who will laugh with friends, feel low when things go wrong and in a nutshell, add colors to this life we live.
But, what really hurts me is that sometimes our indecisiveness can destroy someone else’s life and many of us stay ignorant of this fact until life teaches us a lesson which is too late a realization to sort things. So, my request to all those who unfortunately are reading this blahblah( I can’t classify my own bullshit!) is that they stay sure of whatever they try to achieve in this thing known as life, because your actions can have far reaching consequences.
When you are sure of doing things, whatever you do becomes your strength and you never feel doubtful about achieving it. So, again the concept of strength or weakness holds no relevance. Just stand up to your actions and smile, this world would certainly seem a merrier place to live in after that. A legend once on an early morning had shared this thought with me – “smile from your heart and you will have your life with you”. He is unfortunately not able to follow his own advice but I realized what he wanted to tell me and I’m trying… hope you also try it. I sincerely wish to smile from my heart one day! Amen!
Keep on searching for what keeps you happy and
Take care.

warning: the title can be confusing but Jiya to Tinku hi hota hai na!(NTS)